God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize