happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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