You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
