So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
