If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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