Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
