If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
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she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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