Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
