it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
