it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
