Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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