Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
