i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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