well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
