every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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