I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
