I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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