I wish my penis had an off switch
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
