just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize