This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They left me at home... I'm a liability
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
