I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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