do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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