I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
