Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
