will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
