worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i drank out of a bidet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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