Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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