Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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