We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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