I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
