her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
