...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
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your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize