..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
