So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
