And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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