my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
