I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
