In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
