I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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