Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
