Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
