So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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