just tell him i said nine months
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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