Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
