I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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