i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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