I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
