I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
3 2 1 whiskey
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
