Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
