kristin has been a bad kristin
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
