I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
well you can't waste a boner
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
