What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
