I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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