Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
