I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there