Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock

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  (360): I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock http://tfl.nu/cdtd
  Replies (29) Good night (934) Bad night (1412)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?

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  (469): is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl? http://tfl.nu/85q0
  Replies (23) Good night (4080) Bad night (906)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"

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  (978): please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker" http://tfl.nu/kgaf
  Replies (15) Good night (2204) Bad night (5673)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.

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  (517): I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high. http://tfl.nu/trcx
  Replies (20) Good night (3387) Bad night (1402)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"

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  (847): I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies" http://tfl.nu/cpcz
  Replies (7) Good night (3123) Bad night (1169)
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  (619): View more from California

  you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.

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  (619): you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list. http://tfl.nu/xg4q
  Replies (24) Good night (2025) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Yeah he's good at that.

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  (407): I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts. (904): Yeah he's good at that. http://tfl.nu/ekc4
  Replies (5) Good night (860) Bad night (1580)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon

  (514): View more from Quebec

  what does alcohol mean

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  (514): the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon (514): what does alcohol mean http://tfl.nu/hh45
  Replies (2) Good night (1500) Bad night (776)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.

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  (412): Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever. http://tfl.nu/jfd9
  Replies (11) Good night (1945) Bad night (723)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today

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  (843): I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today http://tfl.nu/bbq7
  Replies (12) Good night (2999) Bad night (587)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...

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  (+61): For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up... http://tfl.nu/ld08
  Replies (0) Good night (587) Bad night (993)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.

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  (651): Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit. http://tfl.nu/rbgm
  Replies (1) Good night (845) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament

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  (850): That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament http://tfl.nu/5bou
  Replies (0) Good night (816) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.

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  (848): Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee. http://tfl.nu/nwde
  Replies (3) Good night (607) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."

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  (361): u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.." http://tfl.nu/49fj
  Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (309)

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