Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...