I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"