Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

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  (716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me. http://tfl.nu/61es
  Replies (98) Good night (32483) Bad night (1344)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.

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  (214): I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina. http://tfl.nu/q4iw
  Replies (56) Good night (3660) Bad night (1731)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.

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  (281): Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table. http://tfl.nu/g0qe
  Replies (10) Good night (3634) Bad night (630)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.

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  (318): Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House. http://tfl.nu/ei4e
  Replies (12) Good night (3867) Bad night (601)
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  (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

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  (212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out" http://tfl.nu/blqb
  Replies (29) Good night (8663) Bad night (907)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt

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  (352): You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt http://tfl.nu/6zpu
  Replies (26) Good night (3963) Bad night (717)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays

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  (615): I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays http://tfl.nu/4zqy
  Replies (17) Good night (4346) Bad night (567)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?

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  (704): Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right? http://tfl.nu/9j2v
  Replies (38) Good night (7578) Bad night (1815)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?

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  (636): Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later? http://tfl.nu/o4ww
  Replies (19) Good night (1220) Bad night (4637)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party

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  (801): We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party http://tfl.nu/w1ty
  Replies (8) Good night (3198) Bad night (726)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?

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  (956): Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone? http://tfl.nu/ptfa
  Replies (7) Good night (1090) Bad night (484)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I have a theory he's part Neanderthal

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  (505): I have a theory he's part Neanderthal http://tfl.nu/4i3w
  Replies (11) Good night (718) Bad night (514)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.

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  (210): I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted. http://tfl.nu/x81s
  Replies (8) Good night (432) Bad night (1037)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.

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  (817): It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life. http://tfl.nu/h7k0
  Replies (7) Good night (440) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."

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  (570): I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls." http://tfl.nu/63z2
  Replies (2) Good night (528) Bad night (249)

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