I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
nutella sex= disaster
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
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Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth