i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.