So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.