It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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